Music and art are my life along with my family. I also enjoy video games, spending time with my dogs, and watching stand-up comedy. Some of my favorite foods include steak, salmon, sushi, and burgers.
At around age 11 or 12, I began to experience absolute terror. Everyday life was accompanied by nightmares and severe lows. Also can’t forget those ‘lovely’ flashbacks.
I never straight up sought out help because I grew up in a household where seeking help wasn’t exactly easy out of fear of judgment. When I finally did see a doctor, I was given multiple diagnoses including bipolar 1, borderline personality, antisocial personality, and PTSD. I didn’t want to accept any of this, because I was always taught to “man up” and “get over it.” Having these diagnoses was like living in a constant state of fear of ‘what’s next?’ or ‘Is my past going to happen again?’ I was always scared and timid. Often I was unable to breathe or function. To deal with all this, I turned to drugs, which ruined a lot of my relationships and my family’s trust in me. Thankfully I was sent to jail and got clean. It saved my life.
I needed help, and I knew that I needed help. I was scared. But at the same time, I was tired of suffering. So I accepted the help that was offered to me by Fayette Mental Health Court. I started to actually pay attention in the 12-step meetings, started up opening up to my doctors and peers. I was always self-medicating, but I was sick of that. So I became “honest, open-minded, and willing” to be better. I became willing to actually try.
Some of the coping skills I have are making and listening to music, playing video games, working out, and meditating. I can’t forget spending time with my family and dogs. DTR also helps a lot.
I’m working to get my GED. I’m a self-employed, small business owner. As of writing this, I’m 15 months clean and have made amends to the people I’ve wronged. What’s next for me is to move on helping people realize recovery is possible. If I can do it they can too.
